Dear Santa

Mikey's Funnies is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and
hosting with a ministry heart:
http://www.agathongroup.com/

today'sFUNNY===========================

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand,
visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to
raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground, and figured out how to attach
nine patches onto my daughter's girl scout sash with staples and a glue gun.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write
this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room
between cycles, and who knows when I'll find any more free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except
purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong
enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last
pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like a car with fingerprint-resistant
windows and a radio that plays only big-people music; a television that doesn't broadcast
any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment
behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes,
Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two
kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the
use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living
room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be
just out of my children's hearing range and can be heard only by the dog.

And please don't forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the hottest stocking stuffer this year
for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to
crumble on any carpet, making the in-law's house seem just like mine.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my
teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room
temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday
season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It would clear my
conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without
demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my
toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs in his pajamas to eat contraband ice
cream at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry
room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your
wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the
carpet.

Yours Always, Mom

P.S. One more thing: You can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young.

A Christmas Version of 1 Corinthians 13

Mikey's Funnies is generously hosted by Agathon Group, website development and
hosting with a ministry heart:
http://www.agathongroup.com/

today'sFUNNY===========================

A CHRISTMAS VERSION OF 1 CORINTHIANS 13

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny
balls, but do not show love, I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet
meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love, I'm
just another cook.
If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to
charity, but do not show love, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of
holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed
the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be
in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to
those who can't.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving
the gift of love will endure.

A Sign of the Times

A SIGN OF THE TIMES

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would
you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped:
"Didn't you get my email??!!"

Enjoy your day!

Who's Your Daddy?

A seminary professor was vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg , TN. One morning,they were eating breakfast at a little restaurant,hoping to enjoy a quiet,family meal. While they were waiting for their food, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting with the guests. The professor leaned over and whispered to his wife, 'I hope he doesn't come over here.' But sure enough, the man did come over to their table.
'Where are you folks from?' he asked in a friendly voice.
' Oklahoma,' they answered.
'Great to have you here in Tennessee ,' the stranger said.'What do you do for a living?' 'I teach at a seminary,'he  replied.
'Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach, do you? Well, I've got a really great story for you.' And with that, the gentleman pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with the couple.
The professor groaned and thought to himself, 'Great .. Just what I need ...another preacher story!'
The man started, 'See that mountain over there? #pointing out the restaurant window#. Not far from the base of that mountain, there was a boy born to an unwed mother. He had a hard time growing up, because every place he went, he was always asked the same question, 'Hey boy, Who's your daddy?' Whether he was at school, in the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the same question, 'Who's your daddy?'
He would hide at recess and lunch time from other students. He would avoid going in to stores because that question hurt him so bad. 'When he was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to his church. He would always go in late and slip out early to avoid hearing the question, 'Who's your daddy?'  But one day, the new preacher said the benediction so fast that he got caught and had to walk out with the crowd.
Just about the time he got to the back door, the new preacher, not knowing anything about him, put his hand on his shoulder and asked him, 'Son, who's your daddy?'
The whole church got deathly quiet. He could feel every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone would finally know the answer to the question, 'Who's your daddy?'
'This new preacher, though, sensed the situation around him and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could give, said the following to that scared little boy... 'Wait a minute! I know who you are! I see the family resemblance now, You are a child of God.'  With that he patted the boy on his shoulder and said, 'Boy, you've got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.'
'With that, the boy smiled for the first time in a long time and walked out the door a changed person.. He was never the same again. Whenever anybody asked him, 'Who's your Daddy?' he'd just tell them , 'I'm a Child of God..''
The distinguished gentleman got up from the table and said, 'Isn't that a great story?'  The professor responded that it really was a great story!
As the man turned to leave, he said, 'You know, if that new preacher hadn't told me that I was one of God's children, I probably never would have amounted to anything!' And he walked away.
The seminary professor and his wife were stunned. He called the waitress over & asked her, 'Do you know who that man was -- the one who just left that was sitting at our table?'
The waitress grinned and said, 'Of course. Everybody here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's governor of Tennessee .'
Someone in your life today needs a reminder that they're one of God's children.
'The grass withers and the flowers fall,but the word of God stands forever.' ~~Isaiah
YOU'RE ONE OF GOD'S CHILDREN.

HAVE A GREAT DAY

When I say, " I Am A Christian" by Carol Wimmer

I receive Mikey's Funnies daily in an email. These stories, poems, inspirational messages range from funny to sad. This poem by Carol Wimmer really spoke to me...I hope it rings true for you too!


When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting "I am saved."
I'm whispering "I was lost";
That is why I chose this way.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble,
And need someone to be my guide.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak,
And pray for strength to carry on.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed,
And cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are too visible,
But God believes I'm worth it.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches,
Which is why I speak His name.

When I say, "I am a Christian,"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority;
I only know I'm loved.

Enjoy the day!